Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
