She's JV to your varsity
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
