my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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