Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
