ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
