My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You're a waste of cheezeits
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
