After last night, I could never be a politician.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
