The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I will pee on everything he values.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
