I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
