i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize