I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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