I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
