so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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