just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
