real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
