really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
