3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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