I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
