just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
