hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
