Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
