Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
