mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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