Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
