i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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