brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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