I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
