Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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