What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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