I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
