Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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