did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
