he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
