Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
