so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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