I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
