you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
