I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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