And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Holy sore nipples Batman
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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