Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
