Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
