Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
