she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
