Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
