yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
