It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
