i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
