when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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