When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
