I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
