I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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