her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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