I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
