his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
