why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
two words...techno handjob
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
