You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Blood and glitter go together right?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
