i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
