I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
