he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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