Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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