i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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