I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
