I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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