I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
