Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
