no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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