UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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