He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
