i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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