I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
