I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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