Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
