well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
