If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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