there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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