all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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